Momma Dramas

Roller Coasters a.k.a Infertility

Been thinking a lot about infertility lately.  Trying to make sense of it I suppose.  Although I am not sure I truly will ever understand why some families are easily blessed with new additions while others struggle to build a family. 

 

These are the thoughts that pass through my head when I am quiet… I wonder if all the trying in the world won’t make a difference because there is a divine plan that decides when the time will be anyway.  I wonder if all the extra help (meaning infertility treatments, acupuncture, herbal supplements etc.) are all for not because we don’t get to choose when is when.  I also, sometimes wonder, what if I go too far in trying to help the process (with all that Western Medicine has to offer) if I am messing with the divine plan.   Then as soon as I think I should let be, be… I start to wonder if maybe we do not have a new addition to the family because I am not trying hard enough.  (sigh)

 

It took four years to have Drew and part of me thought it was largely because of all the stress Brett and I were under during those four years.  Now, as we try, try again and fail, fail again I question the stress theory.  I question all of the theories. 

 

Actually, these days the only thing I feel certain of is that I am sick of monitors, I am tired of sticks that need peeing on, I do not want to know my temperature, I do not want to look at a calendar with days counted out on it, and I am REALLY TIRED of looking for that second pink line that never appears!  I NEED A BREAK.

 

Tick, Tick, Tick… time waits for no one…. AAAHH!  Drew is not getting any younger and the age gap continues to grow.   The last I checked his Momma has not gotten any younger either.  (sigh again)  From a postive perspective, every time I look into Drew’s beautiful face or he gives me a “BIG HUG” as he calls it, I remember how worth it all is.  So I suppose onward we trek to pee on more sticks, to take more temperatures, and to count more days. 

 

The only upside to all this whole-lotta-nothing that is happening is the acupuncture (note: the hubby does not agree here... he thinks the upside is something else entirely).  I SO look forward to my sessions every two weeks.  Infertility is draining emotionally and for those on infertility medications it is taxing on the body too.  If you are considering acupuncture but do not know where to begin the national website for certified acupuncturist is the best place to start. 

http://www.nccaom.org/

 

This website will help you find an acupuncturist in your area that is nationally certified (certification is a must!).  Acupuncture does not necessary have to be for infertility either.  It is also great to relieve stress, reduce anxiety, help minimize the side effects of fertility treatments and so on. 

 

The next suggestion that helped us when we were going through infertility the first time is the book “The infertility cure” by Randine Lewis, Ph.D.

http://www.amazon.com/Infertility-Cure-Ancient-Wellness-Pregnant/dp/0316172294

 

….maybe I should reread my copy. =P

 

 

 

 

 

Test Kitchen

During hurricane Irene our test kitchen was open.   We had overly ripe bananas and you know how I hate to throw away food, so banana bread was on the menu.  I can NEVER leave a recipe alone, which is why I call my kitchen a “test kitchen”.  OK, if I am being “real” I call it a test kitchen because I can write off my blunders under the “test kitchen” umbrella and I have A LOT!  For the recipe below I took what I liked from two recipes: Jessica Seinfeld’s Banana Bread (Deceptively Delicious) and Allrecipe.com’s Pineapple Banana Bread submitted by Mary Watkins. 

 

This is what I came up with:

 

Banana Yam Applesauce Bread

What? Don’t knock it till you try it =P    Why yam?  Drew will not eat vegetables and so I hide them in EVERYTHING!  Also, yams are full of vitamins, they are sweet so less sugar is needed, and I didn’t have any pineapple.  =D   Why Applesauce?  I didn’t have enough banana. HA! This is a real kitchen people and clearly not stocked by the Food Network.  =)

 

It was time to bake so I grabbed Brett and off I went.  It’s always better for me to be supervised when baking is involved because I inevitably forget pivotal ingredients like eggs or the leavening agents.   Besides this is another opportunity for Brett to shake his head at me so he is game.  For example, while baking I like to mention all the things “you’re not” supposed to do WHILE I AM DOING IT….  ex. “You should not measure the cinnamon over your bowl of dry ingredients.”  My foods teacher would NOT be pleased with me.  She used to throw raw eggs at us if we were stupid… NO JOKE!  (LOL)   I think maybe that is why I am such a nervous nelly in the kitchen.  What? I gotta blame someone!  “Blame” is the new “take responsibility”, you know, like 40 is the new 30!  ;-) (kidding)  

 

Anyway here is the recipe…

 

Dry ingredients:

3 cups of unbleached all purpose flour

1 tsp. sea salt

¾ tsp. baking soda

¾ tsp. baking powder (non-aluminum preferred)

1 tsp. cinnamon (I use organic but it doesn’t effect taste either way)

1 cup walnuts

1 cup mini semi sweet chocolate chips (Hershey because we’re in PA)

*I never sift but instead mix the dry together with a wisk.  This is due to laziness not because I think I am smarter than actual bakers. ;-)

in a second bowl wet ingredients:

4 large egg whites (from chickens with some freedom a.k.a free range)

¾ canola oil (I’d like to use a different oil in baking not a fan of canola… suggestions?)

2 tsp. pure vanilla extract (Our vanilla is homemade… made from vanilla bean and vodka…. it ‘s not completely ready so it is really mostly vodka with Vanilla flavor… but whatev!)

1 cup mashed overly rip bananas

1 cup yam puree (no time to puree & don't have yams? Substitute with applesauce or more mashed banana or crushed pineapple (drained))

¾ cup organic applesauce

*beat eggs, oil and vanilla.  Add all other wet ingredients and combine with mixer.  

*Combine dry ingredients with the wet by stirring in the dry slowly with a spoon until combined.

 

As I mentioned I usually forget the leavening agents, which must stem from my unconscious desire to be a mason because my bread comes out as bricks!  This batch however………. Came out great thus me sharing the recipe.  Heehee.

Bake at 350 degrees.  If you’re making two large loafs bake for 50 to 60 minutes (test with toothpick).  If you’re making mini loafs, this batch will make 5 mini loafs baked for 25-35 min.  If you are like me and cram all of the batter into 4 mini loafs because that is what your pan holds then increase the mini loaf time to 40 to 50 min (test with a toothpick). 

Happy Baking =)