Been thinking a lot about infertility lately. Trying to make sense of it I suppose. Although I am not sure I truly will ever understand why some families are easily blessed with new additions while others struggle to build a family.
These are the thoughts that pass through my head when I am quiet… I wonder if all the trying in the world won’t make a difference because there is a divine plan that decides when the time will be anyway. I wonder if all the extra help (meaning infertility treatments, acupuncture, herbal supplements etc.) are all for not because we don’t get to choose when is when. I also, sometimes wonder, what if I go too far in trying to help the process (with all that Western Medicine has to offer) if I am messing with the divine plan. Then as soon as I think I should let be, be… I start to wonder if maybe we do not have a new addition to the family because I am not trying hard enough. (sigh)
It took four years to have Drew and part of me thought it was largely because of all the stress Brett and I were under during those four years. Now, as we try, try again and fail, fail again I question the stress theory. I question all of the theories.
Actually, these days the only thing I feel certain of is that I am sick of monitors, I am tired of sticks that need peeing on, I do not want to know my temperature, I do not want to look at a calendar with days counted out on it, and I am REALLY TIRED of looking for that second pink line that never appears! I NEED A BREAK.
Tick, Tick, Tick… time waits for no one…. AAAHH! Drew is not getting any younger and the age gap continues to grow. The last I checked his Momma has not gotten any younger either. (sigh again) From a postive perspective, every time I look into Drew’s beautiful face or he gives me a “BIG HUG” as he calls it, I remember how worth it all is. So I suppose onward we trek to pee on more sticks, to take more temperatures, and to count more days.
The only upside to all this whole-lotta-nothing that is happening is the acupuncture (note: the hubby does not agree here... he thinks the upside is something else entirely). I SO look forward to my sessions every two weeks. Infertility is draining emotionally and for those on infertility medications it is taxing on the body too. If you are considering acupuncture but do not know where to begin the national website for certified acupuncturist is the best place to start.
This website will help you find an acupuncturist in your area that is nationally certified (certification is a must!). Acupuncture does not necessary have to be for infertility either. It is also great to relieve stress, reduce anxiety, help minimize the side effects of fertility treatments and so on.
The next suggestion that helped us when we were going through infertility the first time is the book “The infertility cure” by Randine Lewis, Ph.D.
http://www.amazon.com/Infertility-Cure-Ancient-Wellness-Pregnant/dp/0316172294
….maybe I should reread my copy. =P
Well , Syl I know it runs in the family. My mom and dad were married 10 years before she got pregnant. Actually, she got pregnant during the time Uncle Phillip lost his kids. With the stress of lossing Linda and Johnny she had forgot about even trying, and then well here I was. Never give up hope!!!!
Posted by: kim | 09/10/2011 at 06:55 AM
I know what it's like to want something so bad but not be able to have it. When you "don't think" about it it happens (Sophi) but how can you NOT think about it?
My view is if it is in your cards it will happen and what ever it takes. You and Brett are beautiful parents it doesn't seem right to me that you can't have this. But on the up side, because it wasn't so easy look at how you never once take Drew for granted. He is so blessed to have you. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I was actually thinking of you last night ironically. I saw a perfect heart shape in the clouds! I don't know why the heavens make me think of you but it does. :)
Posted by: Cathi | 09/10/2011 at 07:22 AM
Thank you Kim... deep down I know I have to just keep trying and be patient. It's frustrating.
I forgot about Uncle Phillip and Aunt Gladys's losses. Wasn't that a house fire? It amazes me how much tragedy the family has been through yet somehow we keep moving forward and not only move forward but can find silver-linings. I am grateful for Drew beyond words & if we never are blessed with another child, I know I am already blessed anyway. Love you!
Posted by: Syl K. | 09/10/2011 at 07:26 AM
Thank you Cath (tears). Off to acupuncture I go....
Posted by: Syl K. | 09/10/2011 at 07:31 AM
Sylvia....I am so sorry it has been this hard for you to have another little one. Just last month I said to Alex that I had a strange feeling you may be pregnant.....wishful thinking for you I suppose. You are such a wonderful person and a fabulous mother...you deserve many more children. I do know one thing...every time I talk to someone who has had trouble conceiving, they always tell me that when they finally did get pregnant, it was when they gave up trying. I don't know why that is, but it always seems to work that way. I imagine that it is impossible to stop trying when all you want to do it try. Your post breaks my heart...I wish that life was more fair...that it made more sense. All my thoughts and prayers are with you two. Lots of love <3
Posted by: Jennifer | 09/10/2011 at 07:16 PM
Awe, thank you Jenn. It is frustrating to say the least but honestly I know how blessed I am to have Drew and how many people don't even get that far. Keep thinking baby though ;-) putting that out into the universe can't hurt (lol).
Posted by: Syl K. | 09/11/2011 at 05:34 AM
next time you are here im gonna have you roll around in our bed! ha! (clean sheets of course!) maybe some of the mojo will catch you and brett! ha-ha! love you and wishing the best for you, i have faith it will happen- it just has to! xoxoxo
Posted by: jaime | 09/13/2011 at 08:06 AM